Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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