Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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