M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
