Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
