Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
