I feel like I'm in dance class right now
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
