we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
