I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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