Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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