dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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