I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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