the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
