I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
NoShamevember. You game?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
