How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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