Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
