I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
