Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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