you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
