i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
