Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
