At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
