I want you more than these girls want KFC
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
