I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
