you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
