i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
