ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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