TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
