He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
