i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
