So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
