I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
