We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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