just tell him i said nine months
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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