btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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