we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
