I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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