She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
