I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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