We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
