Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
