I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
