i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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