Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
