I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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