I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
