I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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