you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
