hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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