why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
