She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
