So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
