She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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