Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
