My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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