just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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