If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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