Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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