Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
