she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
