There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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