I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
