Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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