Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
